I'm so excited to go see Wicked this weekend, yet at the same time I'm a little nervous.
Once upon a time my fairytale dream included singing and dancing on a broadway stage in the chorus of a show of this caliber. The realities of my now fairytale life (along with lack of talent and my extreme distaste for rejection) have taken me far away from that dream. Most of the time I'm okay with that. But as bizarre as it may sound, watching a wonderful performance can become a bitter sweet experience for me. I find myself longing to perform on the stage, to dance and sing with so much passion that my heart feels like fire and in my mind I'm floating 10 feet off the ground. Seriously, performing gives me a high rarely matched.
Being a mother can give me that high.
Listening to Alec sing "I feel my Savior's love in all the world around me. His spirit warms my soul through everything I seeeeee!" Kissing Lyssa's round little cheeks, and hearing her say "Dank eww, Mama!" Watching Alec jump up and down excitedly squealing over the site of the first snow fall... even at 7am on a Saturday morning. Watching Lyssa's expression when I "paint" her face with my hair.
Having Alec tell me unsolicitedly that dinner is soooo yummy or when he asks me "Did that make you happy?" Watching them take their first steps, seeing them dance and sing their own little songs, becoming their own little people, and watching their satisfaction with themselves when they figure something out on their own.
Saturday night we were all laying on my bed upstairs after baths and a tickle war when Alec sighed a deep sigh and said "We're a happy family."
I smiled, looked at Nick and my heart melted. I felt like I was in a movie, floating mid-air, defying gravity and I desperately wanted time to stand still. I wanted to take that moment and lock it deep in my heart to remind me how wonderful things can be, because lets be honest... motherhood is not always so lovely or glamorous. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. This is my life.
This was my choice, and it was the right choice.
And if I can give my children happy memories where they feel like they are flying through life...
5 comments:
what a sweet post! you have such a precious family. you did make the right choice!!
That is so sweet. I can hear Alec in my head saying that. I love it.
I'm so excited (and a little jealous) that you're seeing Wicked! I've loved that music for years, had tickets once in my hand, but couldn't get out to Denver to see it as I was still single and my friend couldn't pay her way and I was too poor to do it all. Have a blast, you'll love it!
While you have definitely made the right choice, I recommend climbing onto the concrete pillars outside of the civic center after the show and singing your favorite song. My friend and I sang Defying Gravity. We almost felt like Broadway Stars.
That is a GREAT story and should be framed--no, engraved in granite so you can remember it. It is a gravity-defying feeling to be sure.
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