~Thoughts on a Tuesday Afternoon~

Being pregnant has taken a lot of energy out me.  I suspected it would be this way and chose it anyway, knowing that being exhausted now was totally worth bring another Little One into our lives.  I've really wanted to enjoy being "pregnant Chrissy" and have made a conscious effort to not feel guilty for doing less than I was capable of before.  I don't clean my house nearly as well or as frequently.  I don't always get the folded laundry put away, much less get it folded!  I cook a few yummy meals a week, but avoid most cooking and baking all together because it takes extra time and energy.  I rarely have people over for dinner, and feel like I do very little to support and serve others outside my immediate family.

I also blog less and take about a quarter of the pictures a month that I have in the past.  I don't feel guilty about it most of the time, but occasionally I see a beautiful, hilarious, peaceful, or charming moment in my ever-growing children's lives and wonder why my camera is tucked away safe and sound in the hallway closet.  Maybe it's just that I'm tired and moody, and don't feel like I can give much more of myself beyond what I already do for my children.  I can't help but wonder if this is a defining moment between the truly passionate photographers and the "wanna-be's" and my true colors are shining through.  The pride in me wants to prove I'm the real deal and pull out my camera and take more pictures, so now my camera sit unsafely on the top shelf of my bookcase, mostly gathering dust.

A few weeks ago I was busy making dinner in the kitchen while trying to keep a watchful eye on my kiddos roaming around the backyard.  The sun was shining and a light wind was blowing.  I stopped and couldn't help but stare out my kitchen window at my beautiful little Lyssa, happily digging away in the sandbox.  I decided dinner could wait and I grabbed my camera to capture a few secret pictures without my Little Lady noticing.

She was so content that I hated to disturb her.

Then she noticed me and was so happy to see me.  It seems no matter what I do she wants to do it too, and this was no exception to the rule.  She turned her shovel into a camera and started taking pictures of me.

 Then Alec ran up and wanted me to take a picture of him. 

I love this picture of my Boy.  It's certainly not a cheesy or posed photo.  It represents something sweet I see in Alec's personality.  He has his wild, excited, rambunctious, loud, silly, nervous and even gremlin-like moments, but he also has a very calm and content side to him that he's been sharing more frequently with me. This is the look he gives me when he walks up during the day and randomly says "You're pretty, Mommy" or "Mommy, I like your hair." Or at night right before he hugs me tight around the neck and tells me "I love you to bits!"  I love my Boy and I love this face.

So maybe I'm a "wanna-be" photographer, a lousy housekeeper, blogger, hostess, mediocre cook and a lame friend.  I'm happy that I'm still managing to be an okay Mommy to my kiddos, giving them reasons to smile as we share in each other's charming lives, even capturing special moments every once and awhile.  I just have to try and give my current best when I can, and continue to work on not feeling guilty.  If our next Little One can bring half as much joy to my life as these two already have then it's totally worth sacrificing my pride.  :-)